“That’s why I’m not into Matthew McConaughey. He seems like the kind of dude that would play with a bunch of dogs and have sex with you without washing his hands.” -My Buddy Krista
He does kind of seem like that kind of dude. Is it wrong that picturing that filthy drum-circle-starting, shower-a-month, hippie playing with a bunch of wet basset hounds and St. Bernards, and jumping straight in the sack kind of turned me on? Is it? Is it really? Whatever. Tell me that you wouldn’t do it.
Tell me that if Matthew McConaughey said (imagine it with the accent), ” Hey guuurl. I think you’ve got, like, a really powerful aura. But I can only bone you if you’re free when I’m on my way home from the dog park,” that you wouldn’t say yes to that.
You totally would. Don’t front. Even with the accent? Sure you would. What if you were at gun point?
On the other hand, would you really want to bone an OCD, meticulously clean, creepishly bald, but still rocking a soul patch, too-close-to-looking-like-that-dude-Powder-from-the-movie-Powder kind of dude like Howie Mandel?
These are your only two choices and you must pick one. It’s the most even match up on the face of the planet.
Representing dirty stinky men: Matthew McConaughey
In Mr.Clean’s bald and spotless corner: Howie Mandel
Who are you going to pick?
Matthew McConaughey? That’s what I thought. I figured in that totally equal match up, that was not slanted in any way, that you would make the rational choice and choose the dirty man.
Okay, so maybe that’s not a fair match up. That’s kinda like matching sexy Robocop up against a chubby forensic psychologist and making them fight to the death. I give. I argued that dirty dudes were sexier last night and I wanted you to agree with me so that I could rub it in Krista’s face. I’ll just tell her that that’s what happened anyway.
So are you into dirty dudes? Or are you a clean man kind of chick?