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Occupy Protests: Not As Funny or Sexy or You’d Think

Dec 8

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When I launched this blog, I really thought I would have lots of funny things to talk about that are going on right now. I mean, there’s so much going on in this world. Parez Hilton and John Stewart find tons of crap to make fun of every single day and they’ve been at this commentary stuff for years.
Well, we’re two weeks in and I just realized that I don’t watch 24 hour news networks or read US Weekly. As a matter of fact, I don’t leave my house or watch TV at all. Why? I’m boycotting Lifetime Movie Network for their poor interpretation of my story in Stranger in my Bed. I only stabbed him six times. Six.
Plus, I’m super busy taking online classes in stand up comedy… I have stage fright.
So, I don’t know sh*t about what’s going on in the world. I figured that I needed to get with it, and fast. Then I heard about this gathering of a bunch of hippies sleeping in tents and having sex with each other. Now, that’s what I’m talking about, world!
So, I went up to an Occupy rally in Chicago hoping to catch some ridiculously hilarious signs and report back to you, but those people seemed pretty serious. They kept saying stuff about worrying about their children’s futures and government cuts and unions and other political things. What’s worse? I didn’t get to have sex in an urban campground. Not even once.
There was one guy who had a pretty hilarious demonstration technique.  He had a huge puppet and a sign that said “Occupy Sesame Street.” Here’s a blurry picture of the back that dude.

The puppet didn’t even ask to have sex with me. WTF?

I’m calling that picture “Journalism at its Finest” or maybe, “Corinne Tobias: Photojournalist Master.” The puppet probably could have done better and he doesn’t have thumbs or operational eyes. I think they were buttons.
To make matters worse, there were no hippies at all. It was a bunch of different people just trying to make a difference in their world. How am I supposed to make fun of that?
Anywho, have you had any hilarious experiences at an Occupy rally? Do tell!

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Welcome to Ridiculously Hilarious

Dec 7

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I guess in order to tell you about why I’m starting this blog called Ridiculously Hilarious, I have to tell you a little bit about my hero… Ryan North. Ryan North seems like he might be the raddest dude on the planet (I say this even though he’s a Canadian, so you know it means he’s pretty rad). North is the author of the amazing webcomic Dinosaur Comics and the first time I ran across the site I couldn’t stop laughing (not that smirky huffy laugh, not the giggle, I’m talking belly laughing here, people). I couldn’t stop going back in time from comic to comic.
I spent hours on Dinosaur Comics laughing and thinking, “I want to do this when I grow up”. I want to make jokes for a living someday. I thought, “This is the guy I want to be like (except with a V for Vagina). This is what I want to do (hide behind a computer screen and imagine people enjoying the shit I make up).” So, I set out on a journey to become Ryan North… And as you can see, I’m starting an unfunny comedy blog in the unfunniest way imaginable (talking about your hero is soooooo first grade), so you can guess that it’s a fail.
The reason I have this unfulfilled comedic dream, that follows me around day and night, haunts my dreams and makes my mother somehow less proud of me… Want to know why I got fired from that simple  position in software developing, ma? It’s all Ryan North’s fault. Okay that’s it, I’m going to say it. I hate that bastard. The fact that he resides on this planet makes me feel the follwoing:
  • less funny
  • inadequate
  • impotent
  • careless
  • erectile disfuncted
  • in need of a good thesaurus
  • found one
  • let’s see
  • bush-league (sexist?)
  • parsimonious (thought it meant monkey-like… It doesn’t)
  • and decrepit (like the guy on Tales from the Crypt).
I guess the point I’m trying to get across is that I don’t know shit for words. And… Ryan North. Pffft. That duchebag. All that asshat does is write little words in a typewriter font into spaces for the same comic every day. Whooptie friggin’ do.
Seriously, all you have to do is think of one thing. For the sake of being fair to Mr. Ryan North let’s make our example relevant and use a topic that those freaking dinosaurs talk about all of the freaking time: friends. Now, we’ll make the dinosaur characters have a short philosophical discussion about it. Voila! Dinausaur Comic! Clap…….. Clap……. Clap.

Want to know what I whispered to T-Rex? I’m not going to stop until Ryan North hands over the keys to his Dinosaur Comics empire.
Do empires have keys?
Whatever.
Welcome to Ridiculously Hilarious!
Love,
Your host!*
*You didn’t think I was going to tell you my real name did you? You’ll just stalk me on Facebook. You’ll just want me to start tweeting. You’ll just show up at my house expecting me to tell jokes to you. Okay, I give… I’m Ryan North.